Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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