yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The struggles of a small town man whore
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
