I seem to have left my pride at pride
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
