He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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