Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize