Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
