He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
