Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
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Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
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I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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