pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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