how hairy? two words: wookie tits
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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