i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
