Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We're too hungover to prance.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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