i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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