im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She announced her abortion via fbk
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Randomize
