how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
