I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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