never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How does one acquire holy water?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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