I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
