I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
