Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
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But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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