I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
