slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
