I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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