i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
