I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
