I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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