I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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