Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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