when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
