she smelled like a LAN party
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize