I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
