Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
