I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Randomize
