Soap is not a condiment
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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