I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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