dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
