I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
