Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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