I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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