Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
