This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
