Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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