I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
