oh god the rape fog is back!
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
