I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
