apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
