I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
