i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
