There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
