im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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