i think my mom watched the whole time
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
