I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
