ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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