yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize