we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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