I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
