Moan for me like Helen Keller
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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