Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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