Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
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