I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just sucked dick on a ferry
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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