There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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