He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
