I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
