Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
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I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
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I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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