based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
smell my finger.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
