I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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