Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
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The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
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I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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