If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
