First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
